The room was black, but in a matter of seconds, so was my mind.

Saturday night, as I sat alone in the third story of my home, I sat in physical darkness. The difference between sitting with and sitting in the darkness is both physical and mental.

Seeing in a different light requires two things most of you aren't going to like: People who struggle mentally often can't just 'stop worrying,' or 'stop thinking.' Mental health involves a holistic, full-body approach to physical, mental, social, emotional, and psychological well-being, to name a few. I would often think to myself, 'Why won't the sun come out already?' But just as I can't control the weather or the rising of the sun or moon, I am learning that darkness, and specifically wrestling with the darkness, can show me God in a different light. Those cloudy, stuffy, humid, and dark days at school or work seemed to drag on and on. Growing up, I used to hate when it would rain. But it doesn't preoccupy the entirety of that day. Every new day teaches us this when the sun sets or the moon rises. I think it also needs to be said that staying in the light, or remaining in the light as Christ is in the light, isn't as easy as it sounds. Yes, those are absolutely necessary, but God has also given us resources, tools, and people to help aid our journey. I think what many Christians need to know about mental health is that guarding our minds isn't as easy as praying and asking Jesus to restore our thoughts. Yet when it comes to suffering, wading off the thoughts and voices inside and staying in the light isn't always that easy or prescriptive. And to walk in the light , as He's in the light ( 1 John 1:7). There is a reason that Jesus tells us in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our hearts and our minds. If you're someone who struggles with anxiety or depression, you know that one of the most exhausting fights you will ever fight in your life is with the mind. What Does It Mean to 'Fight with the Dark'? And just when I thought I might break, it wrestled with me for the next hour. But instead, the darkness swallowed me whole. It had been a long day, and I was exhausted. In between forced exhales and deep breaths, I cried out to the Lord.

Tears and snotty-nosed tissues aren't great weapons when the enemy protrudes from within. But I suppose that's the case when most people try to fight a panic and anxiety attack.

A darkness darker than night